Category Archives: The Game of Life

Fear Can Be Your Friend

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Coffee_Novelist FuelOh, Yeah! According to my January novel rewriting/revision schedule, I’m supposed to turn in at least 9,000 words to my writing coach before I go to bed tonight. Instead, I emailed over 14,000 words to her last night. Ha! Obviously, my daring and diabolical motivational strategy is working perfectly. If I keep this up, I might actually have this draft ready a week or two early. WOO HOO!

And what is the key ingredient to this success? Fear.

Which, I must admit, gives me some pause. You see I have always been and probably ever shall be a HUGE proponent of Yoda’s teachings, especially this quote:

“Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they. Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight.”

I’m one of those annoying types who believes that everything in this life should be about Love and Light and Creative Energy. Stuart Smalley is my hero. So why is it that I’m only able to conquer my worst demons with a fear-based strategy administered by a tough enforcer?

The easy answer is my momma raised me right. Which means that I learned early on that my main “job” in life was to be a good daughter, a good student, a good neighbor and a good citizen. And there were serious consequences for falling too far off the path of goodness. There was no doubt in my mind that, if I strayed too far from decency and goodness, my momma would take me out. OUT!

I suppose that’s part of why this strategy is working for me, but I think there’s a much more important element in this equation that may not be so obvious right at first – Love.

I love creativity. I love writing. I love my crazy, imperfect first novel and its Star Wars infused message of love, forgiveness and hope. Publication will carry that message out into the world. If just one person who reads my novel feels a little bit better about life, then this novel will be a success. And yet, I am a perfectionist and fear sending out a novel with my name on it that is not absolutely perfect and as wonderful as it can possibly be. Every time I stumble and fail to meet a goal on this project, fear (aka The Dark Side) wins another battle. Last year, it was a tiny battle between me, myself and I with all three of us taking some losses.

These non-profits my friend picked to fund if I fail this month…WHOA! They are all about fear, hatred and aggression on a much larger scale that hurts society as a whole. Every dollar in their hands is (in my opinion) a weapon for evil. Now, successfully completing this project has become necessary in order to defend a valuable resource from an evil foe.

I think it’s impossible to live your life without feeling fear. I think the true Jedi feels fear, recognizes it, controls it, and, with a loving heart, uses fear to take positive action for the greater good.

Do you think I’m crazy? Maybe. But here’s a quote from another great and wise teacher that seems to indicate I’m on the right path:

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”

-Nelson Mandela

[photo credit: bluestar_tam via photopin cc

Hello, Kickstarter (I Love This)

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Fair Warning:  If you do not have the time or funding to waste…errrr…invest in new creative projects, this may not be the post for you.

Creativity Puzzle

However, if you (like me) believe that the recent movement of online “crowd funding” is an exciting and energizing new horizon for creative professionals to launch amazing projects, JUMP right into this post. Come on! The water is…FULL of potential.

Tonight, we attended a screening and fundraising event for an incredibly creative and ambitious project entitled “The Nuggets”

I’m not going to ask you to fund this lovely project, because that would be weird. What I am going to say is this whole concept is rather brilliant. Is it not?

Any Tourist Board/Chamber of Commerce could make a dazzling online travel video…

Hey! You person with time and dollars to spend, come visit our lovely town. Look at this pretty place and this person who loves it here and…voila! Dontcha wanna be here too?

What I adore about this Nuggets project is the concept of a parody of those types of tourist blurbs turned into a comedy…and yet, still kind of a tourist blurb. Bravo to that!

However…I’m not here to praise one Kickstarter project, I’m here to mention the possibilities:

  • Make no mistake! It takes a serious investment to independently publish a new novel the RiGHT way…with proper editing, formatting and marketing…hello, Kickstarter.
  • It would be soooooo easy to launch a new novel the Kickstarter way. (Come on, you know you are struggling to name some of your minor characters? Why not SELL those names and quirky character descriptions?”
  • Imagine adding an “Executive Producer” credit to your writing resume. If the final product is fantastic, this could really boost your writing resume.
  • Have you ever dreamed of being a screenwriter? There are many opportunities out there for screenwriting credits on Kickstarter.
  • Would your manuscript make a perfect Lifetime Movie? Fund it!
  • Would you like to start a Creative Writing Retreat or Literary Festival? Kickstarter opens possibilities…

Those are my ideas. What are yours?

photo credit: shannonkringen via photopin cc

Frantic

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Fair warning:  This is going to be one of those self-absorbed, all-about-me posts that the blogging experts tell writers not to write. But seriously, sometimes there’s so much craziness going on, I just need to share (or overshare as the case may be).

First, I got a promotion. Yay me, right? Except I’m very stressed about it. Out of 7 eligible, intelligent, professional-type women on my team, I am the only one who applied…and I had to do some serious soul-searching before I raised my hand. My boss and my boss’s boss are very excited about it. They have been extraordinarily complimentary to the point where I am blushing and also secretly thinking OMG!! These people think far too highly of me. Someday they’re going to figure out I’m not all that and then what am I going to do?

Seriously, what is that about? Is it a woman thing?

Second, we are moving. Again. Our lease ends August 15 and we have to be out of this house because our crazy landlady wants back in. Both Mike and I thought our lease ended September 15 and we would be able to transition to a month-to-month lease until we found a new place. Not so. Our landlady is so anxious to move in, she’s scheduled movers for the 16th.

Reality is not our strong suit. Taking quick actions is not our strong suit. Packing is not our strong suit. DOH!

But never fear, we had an extraordinarily lucky house search this time. We are moving to a place we like much better. We like the location, the landlady and the actual home much, MUCH better. So all will be well…if we survive the move without doing violence to each other. I’ll write more about this later, but, for now, let’s just say there’s a rainbow and a pot of gold at the other end of this annoying and poorly-timed storm.

Third, I put my stupid hand up again (I have got to start sitting on my hands) and volunteered to organize a meal for the Ronald McDonald House near my office. It’s a team volunteer event, but I’m in charge. The meal is happening tonight. I’m near crazy deranged with worries….what if they hate the food? What if I didn’t buy enough? What if the meal isn’t ready on time? What if, what if, what if….

Fourth, I want to have Advanced Reader Copies of Not So Long Ago, Not So Far Away out before the end of the Summer. I’m on page 48 out of 180-ish pages. The re-write process if painful! But I had planned to definitely pay for a table and sell it at the Dahlonega Literary Festival in November. That has been a bright shining star on my horizon for months…but I just found out the Dahlonega Literary Festival is requiring authors who want to sell their books there to pre-submit a copy to the organizer by August 1st.  UGH!!!!! How the hell am I going to make that happen?

As if that isn’t enough writerly stress, I went and signed up for the Atlanta Writer’s Conference. Why? Why did I do that? It’s like I have a sick and twisted desire to torture myself. And get this, I’m planning to submit and pitch my unfinished second novel that will need to be much closer to finished if not actually finished before the conference.

Right now my brain is a crazy train and it is definitely going off the rails and I would really like to jump off. But I can’t. It’s time to pack up all this food and get to work.

And now 20 minutes is up and I have to click the “publish” button even though this post is terrible and probably filled with typos. Sigh.

photo credit: Lansun via photo pin cc

Zoey vs. Copperhead!

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This is NOT Zoey’s snake. Southern Copperhead photo by Patrick Feller

For the record, I did not witness any part of the actual event. I only became aware of Zoey’s miraculous escape from doom when Michael busted into my office/writing room around 7:30 yesterday evening with the cat tucked under one arm.

“You need to check Zoey for snakebite.  I think she might have gotten bitten in the face.”

Uh…..WHAT!?!?

Mike was too rattled (heh, unintended pun there) to provide a calm account of the incident that had led us to this panic session.  I heard him say the word “copperhead” which instantly caused my own blood pressure to shoot out my ears and perceive all other words out of his mouth as a garbled mess that sounded like, “copperhead, copperhead, copperhead, Zoey’s face!”

My world tilted wildly.  Copperheads and my Zoey Kitteh do not operate in the same universe.  Zoey Kitteh is my BABY.  She is my spoiled, beloved, ridiculously-affectionate and chronically-overweight HOUSE CAT.  She is not Rikki Tikki Tavi!

Shaking and beyond panic, I checked over every inch of her fuzzy body at least ten times, nose to tail, then back again.   Zoey being Zoey – always full of calm, sweet-natured Zoeyness – purred loudly and generally let me do as I wished with only a minimum show of squirmy protest. No signs of snake bite. No injuries or sore places whatsoever.  No sticky venom spray on her fur.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, oh great heavenly protector of overly curious cats!!!

Hours later, I was able to get the full story from Mike (who is still quite traumatized by the incident as he loves wild creatures of all types, but rather especially loves reptiles, and yet was forced to choose the safety of the domestic household pets over a remarkably non-aggressive venomous snake).

Here is what happened….

Although Zoey is supposed to be an indoor-only house cat, sometimes she outsmarts us and escapes.  She doesn’t go far.  We don’t live near a road.  And we can always get her back by calling &/or shaking her food bag.  So we’ve gotten very careless about letting her take the occasional nature walk.  That is going to have to change.

Last night, Mike was cleaning and preparing our camping supplies for a much-anticipated trip to Cooper’s Creek.  While he was going in and out of the house, Zoey slipped out for a late afternoon stroll around the property. I don’t think he even noticed she had gotten out.  By chance, Mike decided to search the small barn behind our house for some piece of something he thought might be useful…as he passed near the huge woodpile that is out by the barn he heard a sudden, sharp rattle-rustle of leaves that he recognized instantly.

It was a snake’s warning to back off.  But where was the snake and who was it warning?

When Mike looked over at the woodpile, there was Zoey face-to-face with a freaking Southern Copperhead snake.  For her part, Zoey appeared absolutely calm and mildly curious.  The snake was reared up and ready for combat, clearly warning her to BACK OFF, but it didn’t ever strike.  Bless its cold snakey heart!

Now you KNOW I am no lover of venomous snakes, especially if you remember reading about this incident, but I will admit this copperhead was being remarkably controlled and non-aggressive.  I can’t believe he didn’t bite my little feline nit-wit.  For her part, Zoey was either hypnotized by the thing’s snakey charms or thought it was a fun new toy…or else she is incredibly stupid about snakes. (Mike votes for option #3).

Previously, I’ve only discussed Zoey as a turkey-obsessed glutton and a hater of Boo Radley so perhaps I need to give you a better impression.  Here is the Zoey glamor shot I use as the wallpaper for my iPhone:

Zoey is a rescue cat from Nine Lives Cat Rescue.  This incident probably constitutes the loss of one of her nine lives.  Therefore, we believe she is now on life #3, as she was brought to Nine Lives near death from starvation.  Despite her own sad state, she faithfully nursed her own litter of kittens until they were fully-weaned, healthy little fluff balls.  Her kittens were quickly adopted by the kitten-loving public while Zoey sat in a cage and waited.  When a single sickly, unweaned, orphaned kitten was brought to the rescue, Zoey turned foster mommy and nursed it back to health.  The kitten, newly fat and happy thanks to Zoey’s milk of kindness, was quickly adopted.

Zoey continued to sit in a cage, now located at the PetSmart in Kennesaw, eating too much of the unlimited food and waiting, waiting, waiting…for months.  I didn’t even see her on my first visit.  She was probably curled up in a sleep ball at the back of her cage.  That’s what months of adoption cage living does to even the best, most loving cats.

When I first decided to adopt a pet, what I truly wanted was a dog. But my lifestyle back then simply did not lend itself to dog ownership.  So I visited the cat adoption cages at various local shelters and pet stores.  On my first visit to Kennesaw’s PetSmart, I only had eyes for a matched paid of ADORABLE seal point Siamese sisters.  But, their information indicated that they loved each other ONLY.  No other pets would be tolerated in their household.  Even though I lived alone and had no immediate plans for another pet, I didn’t want to make a 15-20 year commitment to two cats who would not tolerate other pets.  Still…they were so beautiful! And maybe I was going to live alone forever at the rate I was going.

So I returned to PetSmart a week later during an adoption event.  Zoey (who was inappropriately labeled as a “Lizzy”) was still curled in her sleep ball at the back of her cage, but her guardian angel was wide awake.  When I explained my desire to find a feline companion who would tolerate other dogs and cats to the Nine Lives rescue lady, she immediately launched into Zoey’s (aka Lizzy’s) sad story.  Then she pulled a muted calico fur ball out of a lower cage and dropped it into my arms.  Then she promptly turned her back to answer someone’s question.  Smart adoption lady!

Zoey gazed up at me with calm, sleepy yellow-green eyes while I held her in my arms like a baby.  She let me rub her pudgy belly.  She touched my face with her paw.  Game over.

Zoey has been my best girlfriend through many lonely nights.  She never complained when my tears dampened her fur.  She was always thrilled to see me open the door.  She was happy to snuggle with me for hours.  Then we found ourselves in a strange new world…I had fallen in love and Zoey was no longer the center of my home universe.  I’d say she handled it pretty well.

When she met Tessa (Mike’s dog), she submitted to the indignity of another pet with grace, as this couch snuggle shot clearly demonstrates:

For the record, Tessa is so NOT Zoey’s favorite cuddle partner

When she met Mike (a self-identified dog lover who claims to have no special affinity for cats), she was a bit shy.  But after a few weeks, Zoey snuggled up on his unsuspecting chest one night as we watched television, patted his face and looked deeply into his eyes.

Voice full of wonder, he said, “This is a very special cat.  I feel like she knows who I am and she genuinely LIKES me.”

And that is the magic of Zoey Stardust Kitteh…who has an incredibly adept guardian angel in her corner.

Neil Gaiman: Make Good Art

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Have you seen this yet?

Neil Gaiman Addresses the University of the Arts Class of 2012 from The University of the Arts (Phl) on Vimeo.

If you are too impatient to watch the full 20 minute speech, I’ll attempt to capture some of the best, spirit-nourishing bits:

Life is sometimes hard. Things go wrong, in life and in love and in business and in friendship and in health and in all the other ways that life can go wrong. And when things get tough, this is what you should do. Make good art.

The rules on what is possible and impossible…were made by people who had not tested the bounds of the possible by going beyond them. And you can.  If you don’t know it’s impossible it’s easier to do. And because nobody’s done it before, they haven’t made up rules to stop anyone doing that again, yet.

We’re in a transitional world right now…the nature of distribution is changing, the models by which creators got their work out into the world, and got to keep a roof over their heads and buy sandwiches while they did that, are all changing. I’ve talked to people at the top of the food chain in publishing, in bookselling, in all those areas, and nobody knows what the landscape will look like two years from now, let alone a decade away. The distribution channels that people had built over the last century or so are in flux for print, for visual artists, for musicians, for creative people of all kinds. Which is, on the one hand, intimidating, and on the other, immensely liberating.

The old rules are crumbling and nobody knows what the new rules are. So make up your own rules.

Love Neil Gaiman.  LOVE him!!

Bookstore of the (Hopefully, Not Too Distant) Future (Part 2)

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Last month, I wrote this post about bookstores and shared this fantastical, dreamy blog post from Susan Kaye Quinn.

Now I’m going to take my turn and describe the bookstore I’m planning to create as soon as I win the lottery. Or find a rich relative to bump off invest in my dreams. Or work up the nerve to beg for dollars in the Shark Tank.

I’d start building my bookselling paradise around three little words: Espresso Book Machine. Have you seen this thing?!?! It’s the one, super incredible ingredient that could guarantee my bookstore’s success. Check it out!

It’s kinda like Redbox for books! Okay, reality check. It’s expensive…REALLY expensive. And it doesn’t have the ability to print every book that’s currently in print. But I’m telling you, if they ever figure out a way to link Amazon’s vast inventory of new books to this whiz-bang baby….WOW! Book buying (and selling) UTOPIA!!

Of course, I wouldn’t be able to let the unwashed masses browse or cough or drool over my lovely literary machine. So I would need lots of touch screen browsing for books.

Like this:

Touch Screen Table by 3M. Photo by PopCultureGeek.

Shhhhh…Can you hear the traditionalist book lovers whimpering right now? “Oh, no! No, no, no. I don’t like touch screens or online shopping. I’m old-fashioned! I need the pleasures of touching and fondling many books before I can buy one!”

STOP the whining! I could easily print color versions of the front and back covers of most new releases, classics, IndieNext favorites, local authors, award winners, etc, etc and laminate them so that my touchy-feely customers may lovingly stroke and caress many book covers…while I would only need to invest a FRACTION of what it costs for an independent bookseller to order a decent stock of books in today’s market. And I LOVE a healthy mix of old and new, so I would definitely include a Used section in my bookstore.

Check it…that’s same day access to an unlimited inventory of books AND plenty of physical books to touch. Woo hoo! Everybody’s happy!

Next most important ingredient: Location, Location, Location.

Here is where my business sense checks out and my emotional, environmentally conscious, community-minded, mystorical soul checks in. My bookstore simply MUST be located in a historic building. Remember this Cleveland, GA beauty? Even better, the historic Hillcrest home in Dahlonega, GA. Why go historic? Because, in my bookstore, there must be:

  • a palpable sense of history
  • multiple rooms
  • ancient, time-warped wood floors
  • an old-fashioned southern porch (with rockers)
  • at least one working fireplace
  • all sorts of uneven nooks and crannies
  • the possibility (plausibility?) of one or two ghosts oozing and popping about the place.

Why? Just BECAUSE. Historic properties vibrate on a whole different frequency than normal retail space…they whisper softly of possibilities.

Okay, what else?

I’m an animal lover, so there simply must be a rescue pet (or two) who calls my bookstore home. I love rescue cats and there’s always a plethora of homeless felines. That said, there used to be a ridiculously sweet rescue greyhound that greeted the customers at “M” is for Mystery bookstore in San Mateo, CA. He was something so special and unforgettable…and there are always plenty of greyhounds looking for forever homes over at Southeastern Greyhound Adoption.

What else? Like SK Quinn, I believe in offering some food and beverages:

  • coffee and bakery goods (plus some fruit) in the mornings
  • tea and cookies (maybe some savory gourmet munchables) in the afternoon
  • wine (with cheese, fruit and crackers) for evening events

We’re almost there. But I’d like to take it to a whole new level with a second, super incredible ingredient for success. This next ingredient is a bit of a pipe dream, possibly harder to obtain than the Espresso Book Machine, but the most important refreshment I’d want on my bookstore premises would be my beloved Coca-Cola Freestyle Machine.

Oh man! Give me a way to browse the latest IndieNext selections with a lime + raspberry Sprite Zero in my hand and I am in HEAVEN.

Honestly, I think I could make the bookstore successful from there, but there’s plenty more I’d like to do:

  • Creative writing classes/weekend seminars
  • Critique groups
  • Writing contests
  • Author events (including Skype & Twitter chat events)
  • Storytelling (NOT just for kiddies)
  • Arts & Crafts classes, esp. related to upcycling old books
  • Mystery parties
  • Literary trivia contests and scavenger hunts
  • Open Mike readings & Poetry slams

Oh my! The list could go on and on and on.

Last, but not least, I think I’d want to offer resources and support specifically targeted toward authors interested in indie publishing. Ah, but Indie publishing is a whole ‘nuther topic for a whole ‘nuther day. Coming soon….very soon. I promise!!

What have I missed? Would anyone else out there care to take a turn at fantasy bookstore world-building?

PS: I’ve added a new page to highlight my first novel, Not So Long Ago, Not So Far Away (currently in submissions) with a brief sample. What do you think? I would love some feedback!

Dear Blog, Happy Belated Birthday… Here’s a CRAZY Fun Gift!

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Happy Belated Birthday to my Slay the Writer Blog!! Picture By Will Clayton

My first post on this blog was 3/9/11 so….yeah, I totally missed my blog’s first birthday.  Bad blogger.  Bad, bad, bad blogger!  But I’m going to make it up to myself and my blog with a very special gift.

Wait for it………..

I have decided to commission professional COVER ART for my first novel!!! (Woo hoo)

Let me be very clear about this.  My full manuscript is under consideration with 3 VERY impressive literary agents and, if they decide to represent my work, I am 100% committed to going the traditional publishing route.  That said, I have been “exploring the options” and spending a little time over at The Indelibles indie publishing website.  Right now, they have an incredible blog post about creating your own cover art.  However, I do NOT feel confident enough in my own Creative Suites/design skills to try this exercise on my own.

That said, I recently watched Dr. Wayne Dyer’s new PBS special entitled Wishes Fulfilled.  And I LOVE me some Dr. Dyer!  In this special he talked about calling up his publisher’s art department and having them create a cover BEFORE he actually writes the book (and I’ve heard him talk about this before).  Then he puts the new cover on an old book and puts the “future book” on his desk as a motivational & positive visualization tool.

While watching the special, I was thinking, That’s great for you Dr. Dyer, but I don’t have a publisher nor do I have an Art Department at my beck and call.

Then I started browsing independent cover artist websites.  HEY!  Maybe I COULD have my own art department!

So I contacted Steven Novak.  I told him about my novel and my cover art ideas and asked him for a price quote.  Here’s the thing…he knew the FULL NAMES of the artists who created the original Star Wars movie poster art and said he could not possibly recreate their work, but he supported my project and had some ideas.

BAM!  He had me.  The price he quoted was very reasonable so I decided to go for it.

Let me tell you, the first rough sketch he submitted for my review…I had to hide in the bathroom to get my emotions under control.  It felt MAGICAL!  I may never use this cover art for my novel, but I LOVE it and the price is SO worth the incredible boost to my positive thinking and moral.

When I have a final product, I’ll post it here.  Stay tuned….

Bookstores…Please Don’t Fear the Future (Part One)

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Books are Love! by janetmck

Let’s get one thing straight.  I love, love, LOVE bookstores.  And I love them ALL.

I love indie bookstores with their fierce intellectual passion for all things BOOK.  I love the dusty, dim and cluttered used bookstores with their slightly musty moldy smells and totally unpredictable inventory.  I love the big mega Barnes and Noble or Books-A-Million bookstores with their mind-boggling physical inventory of titles I never knew I might want to read until I walked through their front door…not to mention the magazines I never knew existed before I perused their massive periodical sections.  And yes, I do love Amazon too. But not for the cheaper prices everyone keeps harping on about.  I love Amazon for the incredible convenience; the ability to find and buy just about any book or ebook at any time of day in any weather from any location where I can get a Verizon signal on my iPhone.

Photo by goXunuReviews

I mean, I’m sorry all you Amazon haters and industry doomsayers, but it CANNOT be a bad thing for readers to be able to purchase books just about whenever/wherever the impulse hits.

One experienced editor from a well-established, mid-sized publishing house explained it like this (though I am paraphrasing):  With the rise of Amazon and eBooks, the average consumer is reading more. People who purchased 5-10 books in 2006 purchased 10-20 books in 2011.  Someone who bought only one book in 2006 probably bought two books in 2011. In other words, there has been substantial growth in the industry in the past few years and there is a huge potential for more growth.  Unfortunately, everyone keeps focusing on the sectors of the industry that are experiencing declining sales instead of the new frontiers of potential.

Which doesn’t surprise me.

An alluring image of book browsing bliss. And yet...where are the customers? Photo by juhansonin

Bookstores, I love you.  I really, really, REALLY do love you.  But it’s time for some more tough love from Slay the Writer.

I want to browse your aisles and read your thoughtful recommendation cards.  I want to continue to spend my hard-earned money at your cash registers.  Not only that, as a writer, I want to create a product that will sell well for you.  I want to find readers among those who walk through your front doors and I want to send potential readers to your place of business.  I want the whole industry, including each and every one of you, to not just survive, I want you to THRIVE in a bright new evolution of the business.

However…

  • I do not want to spend money at your establishment because it is my civic duty.
  • I do not want to treat your business as a charity.
  • I do not want you to become book museums relying on the kindness of a few enlightened readers to keep your doors open.

Therefore, it sort of sets my teeth on edge when I walk into a new indie bookstore excited to dive into a bookish bonanza only to be confronted with signage admonishing me to KEEP OUR DOORS OPEN, or BUY HERE, BUY NOW, BUY LOCAL, or WHY BUYING ONLINE HURTS OUR COMMUNITY.  Good grief!!!

It is YOUR job to keep your own door open with a solid business plan that successfully woos my hard-earned dollars out of my hand.  It’s not a difficult thing to entice and bedazzle me (or many thousands of readers and writers like me) into a book buying binge.  I swear, I think my Visa and my debit card jump out of my wallet and run screaming toward the cash register begging for mercy as soon as I spot an open bookstore.  Focus on my adoration, my outright bat-crazy addiction for books, my desire for lovely, escapist literary interludes.  You will win my dollars.  Easily.

I know every aspect of the publishing industry is evolving in ways that seem threatening, dangerous and absolutely terrifying to those who want to cling to the old, comfortable business model.

That said, I wish all independent booksellers would take a lesson from Star Wars:

“Anger, fear, aggression; the dark side of the Force are they.  Easily they flow, quick to join you in a fight. If once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny, consume you it will…”

Stop spewing your anger and hatred of Amazon’s business tactics.  Stop fearing your opponent so openly.  Stop attacking potential new customers who might just have a Kindle hiding in their purse.  Start exploring your strengths and exploiting your competitor’s weaknesses.

Now…let’s talk about the new universe possibilities!

I read this post on The Bookstore of the Future last week and since then my brain has been bubbling and boiling with inspiration, ideas…so many lovely possibilities!

Take a moment to read the post. Go on.  I’ll wait here. Don’t fake it.  Read the whole thing! And don’t fail to watch the lovely Day of Glass video at the end.  It is absolutely magical.

I love the optimism and simple innovative thinking in that post.  In my next post, I’ll be taking you to MY personal version of the Bookstore of the Future.  I have a few twists and tweaks to add to her basic premise.  But that’s for my PART TWO (coming soon).

Now tell me, what do you LOVE about the old bookstore business model?  What are they doing wrong?  What do you fear about the brave new world of 21st century bookselling?  Do you think it’s a foregone conclusion that bricks and mortar stores will never be profitable icons of business success?  Or should bookstores give up on the for-profit business model and move to a fundraising, PBS-type, not-for-profit model to keep those doors open?

Before I sign off, are there any fans of the British comedy Black Books out there?  Let’s take a moment to celebrate the really cranky, smug, totally disinterested in customer service booksellers of the world (because, yes, I DO love them too).  Here’s a montage of scenes showing bookstore owner Bernard interacting with his customers:

Missing: One Red Canoe. Reward Offered…and No Questions Asked

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My very happy feet enjoying a leisurely canoe around Lake Jocassee, SC last summer. Can't you just feel the ahhhhh?

This happened yesterday, I swear.  I’m having trouble believing it myself, even though it actually happened to me, so you will probably find it a little hard to swallow too.

Let’s start with a bit of personal history…Michael, my  eternally, wonderfully loving and tolerant fiancé, has many diverse interests, but one of his greatest passions is to canoe the lakes and rivers of Northern Georgia.  Our second date was probably the most magical second date in the history of dating.  It was a warm, sunny November Sunday.  The foliage was still clinging to its late autumn colors. Mike took me canoeing on Lake Tugaloo.  I had never heard of, much less viewed any part of that whole Tallulah Falls/Lake Tugaloo area, but he made it sound like a wonderland.   First, we drove about an hour to a very remote boat launch on the Georgia side. (Okay, I’ll admit, there were a few minutes while we bumped and jolted down the twisting, unpaved forest service road when I thought, what if this guy is taking me out into the wilderness to murder me and hide my body?!?!)   Eventually, we emerged from the trees to find a pretty little wilderness camping area, complete with not-so-pretty public toilet, wooden dock & cement boat ramp (and I breathed a small sigh of relief to see at least one other couple camping there). 

I relive that day in my memory all the time… we paddled and floated and talked about everything from family to philosophy and ate Subway sandwiches next to a hidden trickle of a waterfall.  It was splendiferous.

Mike has joked with me several times that he knew we were a good match that day because I fit perfectly in his canoe.

My seat in Mike's canoe at sunset.

Since then, we have paddled several lakes and rivers in North Georgia together, we’ve discovered secret waterfalls, explored undeveloped islands, met two curious river otters, startled a rather disgruntled beaver, come eye-to-eye with a bald eagle, watched a young doe swim from island to shore, shared a bottle of wine under a full moon and swam in the crystal clear waters of Lake Jocassee, all thanks to that canoe…and we had many more adventures and explorations planned for this summer. 

Currently, we live near two lovely little parks with boat launches on a quiet, less developed area of Lake Lanier.  This was a huge part of the attraction to the house we are currently renting.  When our landlady moved out without cleaning and refused to address many annoying repair issues, we consoled ourselves with the close proximity of the parks and the beauty of the nearby lake.  Whenever the weather is benevolent, we love to load the dog in the back of the canoe (Tessa does NOT love this part, but she grudgingly acquiesces because she loves us) and paddle over to one of the little undeveloped islands close by to explore the shorelines and wooded wilderness.

Yesterday was a gorgeous glittering day—not a single cloud in the china-blue sky, temperatures in the mid-60’s with only the hint of a breeze.  We debated going north to hike a favorite trail in the National Forest, but the day was too perfect NOT to canoe (plus, I am addicted to The Oscars and wanted to be sure we got back in time to watch the red carpet pre-show). 

We paddled over to a small island just north of Three Sisters Island (currently connected to the larger island by a wet, sandy isthmus), pulled the canoe ashore at lake marker 8TM (which figured prominently in our lives before the day was over), and pulled the canoe out of the water. 

Yes, dear reader, we pulled it 100% OUT of the lake because (1) we are not idiots (especially Mike, he’s an experienced boater who has lived near lakes and oceans most of his life) & (2) Tessa will not jump out of the boat into even 1 inch of water.  So the canoe was up on the beach and this is a man-made lake.  No serious tidal changes, no big surfing waves.  There are small waves created by motorized boats, especially speed boats, but even the most violent wake-induced waves only splash a foot or two on shore.  Since it was a gorgeous weekend day, there were several motor boats and bass fishing boats in sight.  As we have done MANY times before, we left our paddles, life jackets and windbreakers in the canoe and set off on foot.  The time was approximately 3 pm.  We enjoyed a lovely, long hike over rocks and beaches and wooded trails, then returned to marker 8TM around 5 pm.

No canoe in sight.

At first we thought maybe we were confused about where we pulled ashore.  But no, we both clearly remembered the ruined life jacket and empty gallon-sized plastic bottle bobbing in the cove next to our little slice of beach.  We clearly remembered the red 8TM marker.  And there was the well-marked line in the sand where we’d pulled the boat ashore.

We hailed a couple in a motorized boat just off shore.  They told us they’d been there “awhile” and had never seen our boat.  He motored all around the area looking for our canoe but did not find it.  When we asked if we could have a ride to the Two Mile Creek shore (less than a 2 minute trip in his boat) he was hesitant.  He made a show of trying to back in closer to us, but claimed he could not get close enough and asked if we wanted to wade out (up to my waist) and ride on the back.  We hesitated.  I took off my shoes and worried how to get Tessa out there.  The water was not freezing, but it was pretty darned chilly.  Then, the guy asked us if we had a cell phone. Yes.  He told us we could call 911 and give them the 8TM location and they would know exactly where we were and out come get us.  I turned around to talk to Mike and the other boat motored off into the sunset.   

Let’s just take a moment to realize that this was BOGUS, totally shabby behavior!!  This guy acted in direct violation of every piece of boating etiquette and just plain human decency expectations anywhere on the planet!  I think either (1) they were doing something on that boat they did not want us to see (or smell) or (2) They did not own that boat & did not have the owner’s permission to be out on the Lake (so did not want wet dog mess on the seats). 

Whatever.  What comes around goes around and I trust in my dear buddy karma to dish out some justice and balance and such.

So…having no other options, we called 911.  Rather embarrassing, but we had to get off that island and there was no one else within hailing distance. 

Now, I am a huge fan of 911 and rescue workers in general.  I will not be bad-mouthing them.  A sheriff’s deputy arrived on the opposite shore within minutes to confirm our location.  Bless his sweet heart, he stood on that shore and flashed powerful lights at us and generally tried to keep reassuring us that they knew where we were & help was on the way.  Unfortunately, we had no light to answer (since we only planned on a brief, two-hour canoe jaunt). 

I think the strategy/protocol they used to plan our rescue was a result of the fact that (1) we were not injured, nor (2) in any immediate danger.  The decision was made to refer the call to the Department of Natural Resources.  DNR arrived with a boat, put it in the water, discovered the boat wouldn’t start, fussed with it a bit, and had to give up (we did not witness any of this, it was explained to us later).  So the 911 folks had to start all over around 8:30 pm and dispatch the Water Rescue Unit of the Forsyth County Fire Department…and we had to wait for the second boat. 

We did not get off that island until 10 pm. 

Our Forsyth County Fire Department rescue team finally arrived and made quick work of getting over to us. After making sure we were not injured nor in any distress, they wanted it to be known that THE FORSYTH COUNTY FIRE DEPARTMENT’S BOAT ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS STARTS…and if they would have received the call in the first place, we’d have been off that island hours before. I have no doubt of this.

We were a little nervous about Tessa since she is pretty much arch enemies with anyone in a uniform, but one of the firemen jumped off the boat, swept her out of Mike’s arms, climbed aboard in one easy motion and stood there holding her like a baby until we were seated with our life vests securely fastened.  Tessa didn’t even offer a wimper of resistance or protest (thereby proving the age-old adage that ALL chicks dig firemen.) 

Once we arrived back at Two Mile Creek Park, quite a bit colder, hungrier and frazzled than we left, we filled out the obligatory police statement.  I don’t hold out much hope we will ever see our beloved red canoe ever again, but Mike will probably do everything he possibly can to find it.  He hates parting with ANYTHING, but that canoe was especially precious to him.  (He is probably walking the shoreline with binoculars as I type this.)

My second favorite line of the evening was delivered by our wonderful sheriff’s deputy.  We asked him if this sort of thing had happened before, were small boat/canoe thefts a common problem in this area.

He looked at us with a totally earnest face and said, “No, ma’am, this is my very first boat stolen from island call.”

Yep, mine too.  MINE TOO!!!! 

If I would have read this little incident as part of a fiction novel, I would have thought this whole comedy of errors was just too ridiculous and unbelievable.  Who on earth would steal a well-used canoe in the middle of a busy lake, in plain sight of miles and miles of shoreline, on a sunny day, full well KNOWING that whoever was using that little boat would be stranded???

If our canoe wasn’t stolen, where did it go?  Could it have been pushed out as a mean prank?  Or could little tiny splashes of wake water truly pull a 14-foot, very solidly built canoe off shore and spirit it out of sight within an hour or two?  Or did aliens abduct our boat? Is there a Bermuda-type Lanier Triangle?

Seriously, can anyone out there hypothesize on what happened here?  It seems impossible.  Not quite a locked door mystery, but pretty darn difficult to figure out.  Or am I missing some obvious explanation…like flying monkeys?  A Lake Lanier Monster with a hunger for red canoes?

Here’s what I do know:  Truth really is stranger than fiction.

I Heart Tyler Perry…But I Still Can’t Focus

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I love, love, LOVE that YouTube video from Tyler Perry.  I think I’ve watched it 20-30 times since he first posted it. Even so, I’m struggling over here!  I want to follow Tyler’s advice.  I do.  I REALLY do!

And yet…I am a scattered, shiny-new-idea kind of person.  It is my True Nature.  I am a Renaissance Soul.  Leonardo Da Vinci certainly didn’t focus on one thing.  Neither did Benjamin Franklin.  Why do I have to focus?  WHY???

(Okay…I’m just ranting.  Actually, I know the answer to that question. And I am fully aware that I possess not 1/10th of the intelligence, talent &/or drive that my boys Leo and Ben possessed.)

Here’s the questions that haunt me:  What if I have focused on one idea and spent all my water on one seed that will NOT bring all the luck and grace and growth that I am seeking?  What if I’m watering the wrong seed?  At what point do you stop staring at one empty, lifeless plot of earth and move on to plant a new seed?

To be clear, I’m not contemplating the abandonment of my first novel.  Oh no, far from it.  I’m not ready to hide my first novel in a drawer and give up on it.  Noooooo!

What I am actually contemplating, have been chewing over for two weeks, is the terrible, wonderful and absolutely terrifying possibility of going out on my own and self-publishing it. I mean, there are still plenty of agents I have not queried and small publishing houses I have not even considered.  That said, submitting through the traditional channels is a time-consuming, soul-sucking and creativity-killing process. And there are plenty of resources out there — honest, ethical, reliable resources — who are preaching the values of self-publishing in the new, 21st century world of publishing.

It’s a terrible thing to live under a question mark.

That used to be the opening line of my novel.  It’s not the opening line in my most recent draft.  I had to murder that darling (to paraphrase Sir Arthur Quiller-Couch or Fitzgerald or Faulkner or Stephen King or just about every two-bit writing teacher out there), but it’s still my favorite line.  It also neatly sums up how I feel about living in this quasi-hopeful, twilight void world of traditional submissions.

Maybe I’ll make it my tagline.  If I decide to self-publish. Which scares the crap out of me!!!

You see, self-publishing is not for the scattered.  It’s not for the lazy.  It’s not for the self-doubters.  Oh no!  It is a huge investment of all my love, energy, time and [metaphorically-speaking] water.  It is a huge exercise in faith.  Honestly, the expense of self-publishing is the least of my worries.  I’ve spent 5-10 times what it will cost to self publish on writing conferences, writing seminars, classes and books.  If anything, I might be saving money if I just go ahead and self-publish.

But what I’ll be missing, what I really, truly want, is the DREAM.

I suppose I should define the publishing DREAM from my point of view because I’m sure it looks different for every aspiring author out there.

My DREAM starts with someone, some professional person with a credible level of publishing expertise, who reads my manuscript and says, “I get it.  I love your writing and I believe in this novel.  I’m going to suggest some improvements, but I am on your team.  You’ve got talent and I know how to make the most of it.”

There’s more to my version of the DREAM, but that’s the essential piece that I will forfeit with self-publishing.

When you self-publish you have to be all that for yourself and more.  There is no team.  There is only me. Me shouting out at the world, “Hey everybody!  Look at me!  Look at my book.  Here’s my book.  Please buy it.  Please read it.  Please love it.”

Zoinks.

Going back to Tyler Perry’s video…I just watched it again for the 21st or 31st time.  When I first decided to post it on this blog, I just planned on writing a quick blurb about how much trouble I was having with my own focus.  But, as I wrote this post, something struck me.  Hard.  Tyler Perry put up his own money to stage that first play.  And when he failed the first time (1992), he put up more money…over and over and over until he found the audience he always knew was out there. I believe that’s the equivalent of self-publishing for a screenwriter/director/producer/actor.  Don’t you agree?

What do you think?  Is it possible to still find the DREAM and self-publish? Or is self-publishing the new path to the DREAM?  Or do I just need to get over myself and write a new version of the DREAM?