A Message from Zoey and Tessa

Dear People of the Internets,

Please to give us a few moments of your time. We are very concerned.

Our pet human – you refer to her as Trisha – appears to have gone quite bonkers. Perhaps she has been afflicted by the rabies. Or perhaps the little white machine she stares into for hours has finally boiled her brains. Whatever the cause, she is definitely many kibbles short of a meal right now and we would like to understand what is happening.

Here are the symptoms of her affliction:

  • She stares for hours at a glowing screen, sometimes into the wee hours of moonlight
  • Sometimes, her fingers go clickety-clack on the buttons for hours
  • When we try to put our paws or noses on the clickety-clack machine, she pushes us away in a most unfair manner
  • Sometimes, when her fingers go still, she cries for absolutely no reason
  • Sometimes, when her fingers are flying, she cackles for absolutely no reason
  • Sometimes, she stuffs in more food than any human has reason to eat in one day

She calls her glowing screen with the clickety-clack buttons a laptop. What is Zoey, if not a perfect laptop? Why would a human choose to fuss over a non-living lump of white plastic instead of cuddling with her adorable feline?

The other day, she took Tessa on a walk and we were overjoyed by this apparent return to normal behavior. But then she walked and walked and walked with her eyes looking off at nothing, mumbling to herself and Tessa almost passed out from heat before she noticed it was too hot to be walking so far with a fuzzy friend and no water!

Our beloved Man Pillow – you would call him Michael – tells us that our Trisha is doing something called writing which will be followed by something called publishing which will then be followed by something called marketing. He says we should be loving and supportive and, most of all, patient.

Patient? We sneeze on patient. Is he kidding? Trisha is in possession of a set of thumbs that we need for her to use frequently, especially to open our bags and cans of food. We cannot afford to be too patient. If she loses what little is left of her mind, we might starve!

What is this thing called writing? Will the next phases – these things called publishing and marketing – make her better or worse? Why would a human creature with plenty of access to food, water and loving fuzzy folk to cuddle torture herself with these activities? Can you kind people of the Internets explain this ludicrous human behavior to us?

Your comments would be most appreciated during this trying time. Now we must go lick all of our parts and find the perfect spot for our fifth nap of the day.


Zoey & Tessa


7 thoughts on “A Message from Zoey and Tessa

  1. I’m with Zoey and Tessa! Not that I am unhappy to hear you are in the throws of passionate creation, but you can’t forget your furry friends! When it all falls apart – and even in the best of times it will – you will be needing their love and cuddles!
    No, seriously, I’m so glad you are writing. What are you working on? Need a critiquer?

  2. Ha ha this one had me laughing from the start. Not that I’m not sympathetic to you–you poor things do look very concerned in the photo–but I couldn’t help but laugh in a friendly sort of way, because I loved this post and am delighted to find out that you write as well as your pet, Trisha.

    Dear Zoey and Tessa, I hate to break it to you kids, but the publishing and the marketing may be worse than the writing. But as long as you have the man-pillow, there is some comfort in that, right?

  3. I’m sure that the man pillow will fill in with his thumbs to open the bags of food and pour it into the bowls. This is the perfect opportunity for you to get to know him better and convince him that he is also your pet, and to hypnotize him to do your bidding.

  4. Dear Zooey and Tessa,

    Run. Run as fast as you can NOW because it will only get worse.

    P.S. Do not run to my house as I am what “worse” looks like.

    P.P.S. To your pet human, it will all be worth it, right? Pretty please? 🙂

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